magicshortbread: welcome to britain where we honour the internet in our olympic games ceremony
Beijing: we want lights and precision and a good clean night
London: FUCK IT LETS MAKE IT THE SHIRE AND GET FRANK TURNER! AND LETS MAKE THE WHOLE THING VICTORIAN, BRING LOCKHEART TOO ONLY IF HE HAS A TOP HAT, MUSTN'T FORGET JK ROWLING AND BRING MR BEAN TOO ONLY IF YOU DO A CHARIOT OF FIRE MONTAGE. DAMMIT LETS HAVE A SHIT TON OF LIGHTY BEDS AND ABOUT 12 MARY POPPINS, NOW WE MUST MONTAGE BRILLIANT ENGLISH MUSIC AND THROW A SLIGHT TARDIS NOISE TO THROW THE WHOVIANS INTO PANDEMONIUM, ALSO WE MUST QUOTE THE HUNGER GAMES TO TRY AND BRING BACK THE DISTRICTS NOW LETS GET THE QUEEN AND JAMES BOND, OH FUCK IT THROW THEM OUT OF A PLANE, ITS OUR OLYMPICS AND THIS IS WHAT WE SHALL DO WITH IT, YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY
A reality show that isn’t reality? What’s next? Pro-Wrestling that isn’t...– Craig Ferguson
When Someone Finally Calls Your Work Phone Because...
The awkward moment when you have something...
sodamnrelatable: via sodamnrelatable
Dan on Community
Dan: We researched the kind of dogs that I might get if I was going to get a dog now that I'm fired, and uh, Community was my dog. It has sadly stopped fetching my slippers and has in fact taken to pissing on my face in my sleep and having panels at Comic Con without me, which you know iiiii ahhhh
Erin: Dan while that was happening, how did you react?
Dan: I started cleaning my house. Just for two days I just started moving boxes around, and I was like muttering things like *mumbles* "you hated nerds". And then I would find out I made a shelf wrong and I would just kick it across the room like AH FUCK IT AH SHIT I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE. I'm a wreck. The show broke up with me, it dumped me. You know when you dump somebody-don't "Aww" me. I mean don't do anything, you can do whatever you want, but don't feel sorry for me. I'm not saying these things to elicit pity it's a confession, I need to get this off my chest. I feel warped and bad and petty about it. Outside I smile at people and I go, you know they drive by and go "Toot toot you got fired, woah," and I go "Good morning Ralph. I guess they wanted to go in a different direction. Just taking out the trash." It's my duty, you know, to keep a smile. I am bummed out.
Erin: It's ok to be bummed out
Dan: I love my show. What if they took your baby, what if they came in your window, took your baby? What if they just took your baby?
Erin: You'd probably fix up your house
Dan: You'd probably start cleaning your house. Working on your shelving units and every once in a while you'd find out that for the third time you had the Home Depot guy cut it a tenth of an inch too long so it still doesn't fit in the fucking thing and then you just erupt into WWAHHHH SHELVING UNITS WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING FIRE ME THEN?
I’d rather read the iTunes User Agreement.– one of the Amazon reviewers on Fifty Shades of Grey (via quicksummary)